I am a mom. Well, I have always been a little bit of a mom as I have always had a very strong maternal instant and this from a young age. But, it’s only last year that I became a real mom.
Maternity truly is a beautiful gift. It’s experiencing an indescribable love feeling and connection with a special little human. Something I have never experienced before. It’s pure, it’s gentle and even painful. When I close my eyes, I can feel this connection we have my baby and me. It’s as if beautiful and strong golden threads were keeping our hearts close to one another. I know he doesn’t belong to me. I am the one who leads his way into this world. I am also the person that is there to protect him, to comfort him and to nurture him. I am here to provide him with everything he may need while he grows into becoming a confident and responsible person.
As if he is the arrow and I am the bow.
I may seem super relax when saying all that, but it’s been a long time coming. I’ve been reflecting on that thought for a full year before coming to this conclusion. I am a mama bird, I get stressed very easily, I am afraid of everything, and with all that, I am a super emotional person. I must admit, when you add them all up, it isn’t the best emotional cocktail. I also found it hard to make it through my first year as a mom while being grounded and happy with all these emotions colliding.
I find it’s important to be aware of that even though your baby is 2 months old, 1 year old, 4 years old or even 10 years old. There’s still time to change your perspective. I know that it’s a hard thing to do, believe me. My baby loves to be tucked in close to his mom and always had a hard time finding sleep.
Many times, I’ve been closed to having a postpartum depression. I cried so much, oh man I cried a lot. I felt discouraged and so helpless.
But, one day I understood. It was on a sunny Sunday during the month of August, that I came to this realization. I was helping my baby fall asleep, at the time he was experiencing his first flu, his nose was congested, and he also had a slight fever… He was laying on his back, while being a little fussy, and his eyes kept on opening and closing softly. Each time I thought he was finally asleep, he would open his eyes again just to assure himself that I was still by his side…
I kept on rubbing his head softly and his tummy from side to side. All of a sudden, he looked at me with his piercing eyes, which touched me deeply.
At THAT moment, I understood.
I understood that he had chosen me. He had chosen to live his life with an anxious mom, a clumsy mom (from time to time) and a mom that often cries. He also had chosen a mom that would give him as much love as possible, a very patient mom that will take the time to put him to bed, to amuse him, to take care of him and to soothe him.
It’s at 13h32, on a Sunday afternoon that I came to the realization that we would be ok. For the simple reason that we had chosen each other.
There isn’t a secret recipe on how to become a grounded mom. Only you and your baby know how to reach this level of satisfaction and happiness.
If your baby feels insecure at night and prefers to fall asleep in your arm… Then go for it! On the other hand, if your baby prefers to be quiet in its bed to fall asleep, listen to his needs. It’s so easy to get lost in the overload of information we can find on the internet these days and that’s without mentioning all the tips everyone has for you.
When you feel lost and discouraged, take a deep breath, close your eyes, hold your baby close to you, and ask them what they want. They may not be able to answer you with words, but in your heart, you will know what they need. You carried this baby inside of you for 9 months. During those precious months, you’ve created a special connection with your baby, which allows for you to know more about their needs and to communicate without the use of words. A simple glance is often enough to understand their needs. Listen to your guts and to your maternal instinct.
Most of all believe in yourself and trust your baby. Know that they were brought into your life to help you grow.