There’s nothing like blindly shaving your vagina with a mirror sitting at the bottom of the shower. Yep, THAT’s how harsh I begin haha, because the third trimester is damn harsh itself.
When picking something up becomes such a chore, you need to add it to your “to-do list” since you just know it’s going to take a while and a few tries before you can accomplish the task.
Or your young body suddenly ages to 107 years, and every single move you make will affect your mood the next day.
Limping? Ah right, it’s probably because you had to wait 2 extra minutes for your spaghetti to cook. That waiting time at the counter really killed you.
Or while in a pandemic, when everybody’s running out of toilet paper, you essentially need 1 ½ roll a day. You know when people say pregnant women have to pee every two minutes? No jokes. Precisely! It’s 9:30 a.m., and it’s already the eighth time I have to go.
Or when lying on your back means choking to death.
WELCOME TO THE THIRD WORLD WAR… I MEAN THE THIRD TRIMESTER!
We can say of the third trimester that it really is something. It seems that for most women, the first trimester is the worst, but I’ve got to say that this one killed me.
I was far from imagining that this was waiting for me after my fabulous second trimester. As if the world had turned upside down, and everything became a giant mess. Just like if the planet had declared a state of emergency because of a virus someone far away got from a bat– wait IT HAPPENED.
But yeah, you get it, and you’d say: “No, no, don’t worry, it’s a joke! If it were to happen, our lives would be completely changed.”
All my plans to give birth as soon as possible–osteopath, acupuncture, and massotherapy sessions–well, all thrown out the window.
Add to this a constant 8 out of 10 back pain and a pandemic.
Living the dream!
AND MY ESSENTIAL NEEDS, MINE, AS A PREGNANT WOMAN
And if I wished to go shopping for my baby (as I’ve dreamed of), you know, just a few weeks before my heavenly child arrives into this world, well, there’s no way it’s happening!
Instead, I have to wait for my child’s diapers, and mine to be delivered on my doorstep. And it’s going to take a long month.
Don’t worry, I laugh about it! But to all pregnant moms, I know these times are everything but fun.
And after all of this, I had to let go of my renovation projects and listen to myself. You know what? We have an essential kitchen. It has no floor, but it’s just fine, so “it will be fine” even if it stays this way for a while!?#IAmAStandUpComedianNow
And with all of my cancelled appointments and my overload of time, I even took a virtual hypnobirthing class to get ready for the baby’s arrival. We’ll talk more about that soon.
I also went on a lot of walks and drank all of the raspberry leaves infusions I possibly could. After all, that’s pretty much all that remains of my end-of-pregnancy plan. Oh, and not to forget to breathe some fresh air at a minimum of 2.5 m of everyone.
One day baby, I’ll tell you all about this. I’m already laughing about it, what a story!
And so I take deep breaths, I chill, and I’m impatiently waiting for this day to come.
Whenever you feel like it, baby… it’s going to be just fine! ?
This post was translated from French to English by:
My name is Sophie, a passionate language learner, and a full-time dog mom. Long walks, soothing cups of tea, Japanese learning and the search for beauty are my everyday life. Slowly but surely is how I do things, contemplating the peaceful ways of time and the enchanting notion of living the moment.