Written by Valérie Pichet
Dates, Friends with benefits, F*** friends… We’re going out, and we’re exclusive, we only see each other when we want to… How do you make sense out of all these “romantic relationship” possibilities?
I think I’m also having a blockage when I imagine a couple’s image. I don’t know where it comes from, though.
I believe I am scared to give too much and to forget myself through my relationship while thinking I have nothing to offer…
What’s the expression again… Oh right!: “Once bitten, twice shy.” ?
A PART OF THE WAY BEHIND ME
I have been working too hard up to now to start over, you know?
I really feel lost in all of those terms, and in my head too.
But I do not fear loneliness, because that is something I really need.
Do I have the right to show up alone to family parties and not having to justify my marital status when my aunt Lucy asks if there are any “nice boys around” I want to introduce them to?
Must happiness rime with romantic relationships?
And if I had a permanent friend to fill this empty space, the need to be comforted, but that still could understand that there’s a part of the way I need to do by myself?
I want to be alone, but with somebody else.
TO BE ALONE, WITH SOMEBODY ELSE
I want the kind of complicity we so often take for granted when a couple grows older.
I want the kind of peace at heart that makes it ok for me to strive with, or without him.
I want the kind of talks and debates that only two good friends can have with each other. I want those heartfelt waves of laughter that can’t be explained.
I want to do those activities together. I want to cook with him. I want to feel I am his equal.
I want comprehension.
I want to live one day at the time and enjoy each moment.
I want to feel safe, to feel he watches over me even though I am not branded to him. I want trust through this freedom.
I don’t want to live in his shadow, but I want to walk by his side.
I want what we have. I don’t want it to change. I want him to know I deeply love him and that it might last for a long time.
I also want him to understand that I love myself more and that I choose myself beforehand.
I want to offer him the best of me, and it happens that to do so, I have to think about myself first.
Today, I choose me.
To be able to share my happiness in better ways, I take the decision to stop feeling guilty about wanting to take my time recharging.
Would it be ok in 2020 to stop pressuring ourselves with this image of society to which “people” would love everybody to identify themselves?
To understand and to respect ourselves, that’s what’s important. After all, happiness is key.
This post was translated from French to English by:
My name is Sophie, a passionate language learner, and a full-time dog mom. Long walks, soothing cups of tea, Japanese learning and the search for beauty are my everyday life. Slowly but surely is how I do things, contemplating the peaceful ways of time and the enchanting notion of living the moment.