Do long-distance relationships really work?

We are now in 2018. The internets have changed our ways of living, but also the way we live our love stories. With the help of the internet, living a long-distance relationship is now totally doable. I know so many couples that lived or that are living a long-distance relationship. You never think it will happen to you until it does. Well, I sure did! I was in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for over 4 years. Let’s say that at first, it was quite frightening. Like really frightening. It’s almost as if you were looking through a black hole a phoquingbig one, and you can’t really see or know if there will be a light at the end of it.

I met my boyfriend 7+ years ago when I first came to Vancouver. I was far from thinking I would be falling in love 5000Km away from home, with a man I barely knew, in a province I had never been to before and with a language I barely spoke (Yes, this one! aka English). But it happened!

I even remember when it all started, I was so worried. At the time, I wish I had a

crystal ball to see what the future was holding. I think I read every single post ever written about a long-distance relationship, but there never was a clear conclusion. Let’s be honest, when you are living a long-distance relationship you go through so many ups and downs. Which most of the people in a “normal” relationship will never have to leave. It’s not as easy as meeting a guy that lives a street away from your parent’s house. When the question of « Where are we moving to?” come up… Well, your street or mine (5000km away from yours) ?! It changes the mood a little bit.

There are a lot of sacrifices that need to be made in order for the relationship to work. I would have loved to read someone else’s journey when we were about to make a massive decision like moving 5000km away from home. But because no other post ever helped me, I hope these concrete advice will help you choose if being in a long-distance relationship is the right fit for you.

COMMUNAL DECISION

According to my experience, a long-distance relationship must be built on a very solid ground. The decision of being together must be thought through. The 2 persons must be in complete agreement (a 100% ) with the decision they are about to make. The moment one of them is 97% sure that this is right… your relationship is over. Honestly. Because you can’t call your partner to ask him to spend the night over, to talk until the morning and to fall in love all over again. No, it doesn’t work that way.

It’s hundreds of dollars spent, a plane ticket and many hours of preparation that will be needed for you two to fall in love “again”. When the boyfriend and I thought about the possibility of being in a long-distance relationship, we thought about it for many months. Thinking about what? Thinking about the logistics and the future decisions this relationship would bring into our lives. But we also had to think about all the sacrifices we were about to do for one another. Are they all worth it?

SKYPE OR FACETIME ?

Thank god for Skype and Facetime. They are now your ally. It’s all because of them if you can talk to your loved one, for months on end! One of the challenges of a long-distance relationship is to learn to know your partner’s deeply, to learn to appreciate who they really are and even from a far distance.  That can be tough sometimes. The best way to do so is by creating a routine. Every night, we would Facetime or Skype for about 30 minutes. We would talk about anything and nothing. It was a very important moment of our day, the only moment we would get to be together.

What’s awesome though, because it’s not all negative ;), is that you can tell them everything. They have absolutely no clue of what you’ve done or what you’ve seen or what had happened during your day. The conversations can last for hours!

TRUST

He is over there, you are here. You have absolutely no idea of what he is doing during the day.  Is he lying to you? Did he really spend the night with his buddies (or was he with a girl)?  You will never know. The only thing you can do is to trust them. Otherwise, you will go crazy. The trust that you two are slowly building is gold. It will grow with time and the action that both of you will do towards one another. It’s something that you should never neglect, or your relationship will be over. Learn to trust your partner and show them in return that they can trust you…

THE VISITS

I have read many posts on the subject. Lots of them were saying that the first couple days when visiting your partner were really awkward. Honestly, for us it never was. I even remember seeing him at the airport and having butterflies in my stomach, it was an incredible feeling. Ah! And what about the first kiss after all that time, it’s priceless!

You will have to get used to living together again, but that’s an easy one. There never was an awkward moment for us. It was all beautiful. And it should be the same for you too, your best moments together, the one that allows you to be SIMPLY THERE together.

THE SACRIFICES

Dear god, you will have to make so many sacrifices. Let’s start with the smaller ones!

At first, you will have to learn to live as if you were in a relationship, but without a physical partner by your side for a couple months. You will have to save for your next visit in 2 to 3 months. You will be the queen of living alone and then you will learn to live together again and so on.

The bigger sacrifices are the one you will have to make in the future, to be “forever” together (moving far away from your family and friends, finding a new job, learning a new language, buying a home in a brand new city, founding a family away from your own, etc. ).

Those sacrifices are real, not many people are ready to commit to such life changes. My best tip would be to make a list of the sacrifices you will have to go through. Then think of it and ask yourself if this is something you are willing to do to be with your partner. If you think you can go through 95% of the challenges, well I highly recommend you do it. If not, this might be the end of your love story.

THE FUTURE

In this relationship, I have always listened to my heart and to my feelings. Let’s say that after 4 years of long distance relationship, we were more than ready to make a move. My best advice to you would be to make the move, knowing what you are about to get into. Be aware of the sacrifices that you are about to make. Look at all the dots and really ask yourself if this love is worth all those sacrifices. Only you know.

Personally, I always felt it in my guts. I felt like that if our journey would end, I would forever regret it. When I met my boyfriend, we had this weird magnetic attraction, something I never felt before. Since that day, even though we were living far from one another, I always knew I had to be with him, that my life wouldn’t be the same without him. Even though it was obvious from the beginning that we were made for one another, making the call of moving away from my family, was a hard one to make.

After all, it’s all about you! Trust your guts, you know more than you think you do!

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? How was it? Share your thought with me!